Huge disclaimer, as before, I’m not a therapist or some kind of professional guide in this journey, just a sister trying to survive.
Because where did I start to abuse me instead of teaching and disciplining my actions? In what part of the way did I forget to show kindness to myself?
I think I have been on this journey of being the best version of myself forever, but can recall the past year really committing to this goal, and for a while I did achieve as many goals as I could write down. I finished my novel, worked out more, learned more, blah blah blah, and everything was going great until it wasn’t.
It was the middle of October, I had been in the journey and process for about 4 months and was coping with everything just the right way, when everything suddenly started to feel so heavy. But I kept going. I shifted things a little bit so it would become more motivational and promised myself all the glory when I finally met one big deadline at the end of the year.
The greatness did come and for half of it I felt great, and continued pushing even though I recognized I felt loss in the sea of goals. Then it came, a huge setback by March, not for all my goals but it was the beginning of the end. One fall took another, and I kept pushing. I pushed myself so hard and put even more expectations into the process, month after month my performance and emotional reflection and state about the journey just fell more. And I kept pushing until this last month.
June was a weird month, it was the time when I came back to my old self, the one that I was trying to escape so many times. And for sure not the person that I was trying to become, but she came back unexpected, unannounced and unapologetically. At first I tried to disguise her presence with just a well deserved rest that I needed from all the hard work I had been doing for the past year, but that wasn’t a rest. That was a tremendous attempt to quit. And never in a million years would I have imagined myself actually writing in substask for a publication about how I was going to quit everything and basically stating that wellness culture is a scam.
But there was something that stopped me from doing so, perhaps it was remembering all the hard work that I was throwing into the bin or perhaps it was going to pinterest and scrolling through all my inspirational mood boards that brought me back the motivation, but it simply came back.
I couldn’t lose the faith that someday I was to fully embrace the best version of myself.
I couldn’t because at the other side of the wall, what was expected of me was really bad habits and a terrible and huge feeling of misery. I was disgusted with myself just as before I started this whole thing and most of all I recognized that I was throwing my life away because of comfort. But in that I also recognized that if I was to do this again I would have to find a way to not be hated and fully embraced as an identity.
Part of that was redefining the so-called discipline that everyone advocates for. Because, yes, discipline is indeed showing up even if you don’t want to or are not motivated enough, but showing up sometimes is also taking a break. I know it sucks, especially when you are in a row of victories, but stopping to catch your breath, to see all the things you have created, and admire them is incredibly necessary to continue and run faster.
So, my very first and primordial advice is to actually listen to your body and your emotions. Listen to the worn out. A quick clarification, this is different from procrastination, as with procrastination you can push through it and finish the task while with the other the sentiment persists, and the longer you ignore it the bigger is going to grow.
Be fuel by the moments with a lack motivation
The following are my most recommended things and directions to deal with burnout or even the slightest thought of exhaustion along the way.
Remember why you started and change the aim if necessary.
Going back to the motivational board, and especially going back to the lifestyle you used to have is primordial. In my experience I think it really puts everything into perspective and shows the real purpose after all. It shows the necessity, and the final line. I think many of us are overwhelmed by the constant rhetoric online on how becoming the best version of yourself does not have an end line, which is partly true because when you achieve certain goals others might arrive, but those goals do in fact have a deadline. If you do not see the deadline already I think you should essentially redesign the way you are approaching the process and the steps you are taking. Burnout is usually always calling for a redesign.
And if the change in steps still makes the process unbearable, then I really think you should reconsider whether the goal is really aligned with the person you want to be and your personal values. It is completely okay to outgrow goals because you catch yourself not really wanting it, it is always easy if you are genuinely interested in it. And believe me this can take a huge amount of time mainly because this whole thing is often influenced by the desires of society and what they deem are the goals people should have to become the better versions of themselves. Social media society leads our desires by stereotypes and expectations merely based on superficial facts about ourselves. But only you know if the aim is for yourself or not.
Take a break and meet the reason of self-sabotage
If you are sure that you really want the overall win yet you often found yourself sabotaging yourself to success (burnout can be considered self-sabotaging especially if you have negative behaviors or rewards after it) you might actually want to do a deeper retrospection. Take out your pen, your journal and three hours of your time to reflect on the possible reasons why you are sabotaging yourself. Trust me your unconscious has more power than you think. In my personal experience it was magical actually meeting up with the reasons and understanding the stone and fear I had in myself before getting forward, just like taking out a rock in the road.
Think about it, self-sabotage behavior such as perfectionism, procrastination, over commitment, negative self-talk, and avoiding help are all things that add pressure and stress about the goal. Which would eventually lead to avoidance and burnout. Who wants to do something that makes them feel bad or exhausted. But before you retire those self-destructing techniques you should actually discover the reason behind them. Other times have to do with the way that we are raised. And one of the best things that I have been constantly advised is to reframe and change the way that I talk to myself. Is it the same if your brain is hearing from you negative thoughts instead of positive feedback? So, please turn on the kindness and recognize that this is your first ever time on the planet and probably the first time you are reinventing yourself. It is totally okay to have fears, to not be great, and basically don’t be a robot who doesn’t allow emotions. Which takes me to my next point.
Discover your own rhythm
Discovering when and how your body and mind works best through simple observation is simply great, as I mentioned before, aligning your goals with your natural interests is just going to make it easier. The most important time when you should definitely listen to your body and the screams from inside your mind is when you are burning out. Your body is sending a message and you have to hear it. Working with the rhythm which means listening to the energy levels for doing the work is essential and not a luxury.
Conclusion
Rest is not a sign of failure. But ignoring that you have emotions and a human body is a sign of future failure. Rest and be curious about why you feel this way, analyze what you have been doing lately and how you have been feeling and please don’t take so many things at hand, days are short but they are more than you think they are.
Hope this might help you to retake the route, leave your thoughts and please consider subscribing to support my efforts.
With dry kisses,
M. E.